You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2010.

Ok, thanks.


If you haven’t read the first part of Matthew’s story, click here.

Matthew Kunzers

Matthew Kunzers

Matthew Kunzers made his way to Boston in August, 1850. After arriving, the 17 year old Kunzers had an idea. It was a common idea, one that many people have probably had before him. He said to himself, “I wonder what allows birds to fly. If I could somehow create some type of flying mechanism, it would speed up peoples’ long travels.

So Matthew sat down and began drawing birds. He found that if he could create some kind of object that would portray the wings of the bird, he could achieve success. The following day, he began piecing together objects. Many people saw him at work in the local park and believed he was a mad man.

Matthew Kunzers with Model Flying Machine

Matthew Kunzers Analyzing his Flying Machine Model

“You can’t fly, only birds are meant to do that!” said one man.

Matthew responded with, “Listen up homie, you shut up, ’cause I do whateva I wanna do, foo. Now go say ‘Hi’ to your motha for me.”

After a week’s work, Matthew finished his prototype and was ready to test his great machine.

He was full of joy, and shouted, “After a week’s work, I finished my prototype and am ready to test my great machine!”

Matthew climbed to the top of the biggest hill in Boston, and prepared for his flight. The weather was getting worse as the day progressed, so Matthew decided that the test flight must be attempted immediately. A large, curious crowd quickly gathered to see Matthew take off. Many of the people did not believe that he would be able to accomplish such a feat, but Matthew believed in himself began running towards the edge of the hill, and jumped. The wings pulled Matthew up off the ground and he began to soar. The crowd cheered as Kunzers soared through the air.

On that day, Matthew Kunzers was the first man to ever actually fly (and not fall to his death). And Matthew flew for hours, zipping through the air, with the birds, and the wind in his hair. He truly was enjoying life… Until he got struck by lightning, plummeted over 100 feet, and landed safely in a pond. Poor Matthew had forgotten about the poor weather that had approached quickly.

Matthew Kunzers Prepares for Flying

Kunzers right before his first fly.

When Kunzers climbed out of the pond, he felt weird, energized or something of those sorts. The following day, Matthew decided that his flying days were over, and chose to send all his information to a random person, in a random place in the United States. That man ended up being Hiram Maxim (who later moved to England to “invent” the first flying machine in 1894 and steal Kunzers’ thunder).

After Matthew rid of his flying schematics, he remained in Boston about 10 years to make a living and raise money to travel south to New York and enlist in the military.

To be continued…

Today, America, I want to recognize a Prominent Figure In History. He went by the name of Matthew Kunzers…

Matthew Kunzers (1834-1918)

Matthew Kunzers was born in what would be modern-day Saskatchewan, Canada in 1834. The exact location is unknown, but when Matthew was barely a year old, Walter and Ira Kunzers, Matthew’s parents, crossed the border into America. Within a few weeks both Walter and Ira were killed by a massive pack of bears. A second before Walter died, he whispered to Matthew, “My son, live for a super long time, and do good stuff. Ahhhh! My intestines are being eating by this bear, I’m being eaten alive. No! No, not my eye balls! I am still alive and being mauled by the bears…………… I’m dead, now.” Matthew never forgot his father’s words (even though he was a baby and couldn’t speak English yet). Soon, the bears found baby Matthew, but instead of tearing his little baby body to pieces, they decided to adopt him as their own.

Matthew grew up just like every boy in the 1800’s. By the time he was 2, he could communicate with most bears in the Northwestern parts of America. In 1838, when Matthew was 4, there was a massive bear fight and Kunzers was separated from his bear family. He began traveling South, wandering aimlessly throughout Midwest America, surviving using his hunting skills that his bear pack had taught him.

Young Matthew Kunzers

Drawing of young Kunzers by the military unit that found him. (1839)

Young Matthew soon reached the Mississippi River, where he was located by a small military unit who were just chilling. The soldiers took him in, and allowed the boy to travel with them. Matthew spent over a year with the unit, learning how to speak English, use their weapons, and a bunch of other military hooplah. The unit and Kunzers bonded well, and when the soldiers finally returned to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in 1840, Matthew had a was greeted by a warm welcome. The boy liked Philadelphia, it was a nice town full of nice people, and he fit in very well.

By the time Matthew was 15, he made a nice living for himself. Matthew had a great job as an apprentice, and he had a majestic steed which he rode in town everyday. One winter in 1849, Matthew decided to build a home for all the orphan children of Philadelphia. All the orphans could stay in the home but only under one condition; they had to be good citizens. Soon Matthew Kunzer and his fellow orphan friends became known as the “Sunshine Kids” due to their good deeds they did for the society.

But then arose there was a rival gang that arose in the South side of Philadelphia. They were known as the Moonshine Men. The ¬†Moonshine Men were rough, mean fellows (and also in their 30’s). Not only did they produce, drink, and sell moonshine, but they also had a fiery hate for the Sunshine Kids and especially Matthew Kunzers.

One night, Kunzer returned from his job and saw that the Sunshine home was set on fire by the Moonshine Men. Matthew quickly rushed into the burning building and rescued all 247 children in under 5 minutes, setting the world record for most orphans saved from a burning building in under 5 minutes.

A picture drawn by Kunzers. Believed to be the family of bears he was raised by. (1844)

Luckily, not one child was hurt.

Matthew Kunzer decided that the Moonshine Men needed to be stopped before they would hurt anyone else. So he assembled the Sunshine Kids, and plotted the most strategically advanced attack ever created in history. On January 3rd, 1850, Kunzer and the Sunshine Kids attacked and brutally murdered all of the Moonshine Men. The town rejoiced and held a massive party in celebration of the great victory.

The next day, after rebuilding the Sunshine home, Kunzer was packing up to leave when a beautiful girl named Sarah Rogers asked him, “Why are you leaving?”

Matthew responded by saying, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world. So, I am off to make other lives better. I’m heading to Boston, but maybe I’ll see you again sweet cheeks.”

To be continued…

Click to subscribe to The Detric and receive notifications of new posts by email. Well, aren't you a lucky duck.

Join 2 other followers


April 2010
« Mar   Jun »