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Hi, America. Today I decided that everyone needs to understand that as we approach the month of April, and the season of spring, we need to be prepared for one thing…

A zombie invasion.

Zombie Community

That looks like one peaceful community of zombies!

Zombies prosper in the spring time. Every person enjoys playing around outside in the spring. Unfortunately, so do zombies. And the only thing they are going to be playing is a game called “Eat the Human.” So what is a better way to defend yourself against a zombie apocalypse than to understand the mindset of a zombie.

1) What do zombies like?

– Zombies like to get together for community activities, like walking and eating. Their invovlement in these activities are very high, and it seems to bring pleasure to zombies. In fact, moans of joy can be heard from zombies quite often while they are participating in the events. (Note: on rare occasions they also enjoy hosting simple house parties)

Doritos Zombie Party

Zombies throw "killer" parties! (The Detric apologizes for the bad pun)

2) What do zombies eat?

-Zombies eat a plethora of things, like brains, arms, legs, ears, and intestines. They enjoy eating together whether it is as a family or as a hungry mob. Zombies aren’t ones for eating high class, which may also lead one to believe that they manage their money well.

Zombie Eating

Don't forget to brush your teeth!

3) What do zombies enjoy wearing?

-Fashion trends come and go, and since zombies enjoy being active but also stylish at the same time, so they usually wear ripped jeans (because they’re breathable) and t-shirts stained with the color red. Sometimes zombies enjoy being nude too.

Howdy Zombie

As you can see, this zombie is rocking a sweet blazer. (from dailyzombie.com)

4) Do zombies speak any languages?

-Yes! Zombies speak fluent zombie. And they can speak a little bit of Korean.

5) Are zombies Republican or Democratic?

-Zombies actually try to stay out of politics as much as possible. But most zombies do follow the communist party. It could be because they like the color red, they think complete equality looks really good on paper, or they just think that Vladimir Putin is fly.

Vladimir Putin

Zombies love this guy.

So hopefully this information will help you if you ever have an encounter with a zombie.

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